It was finally the day, the day that everyone, from
the royalty of far off countries to the homeless families in Central Park, had
been waiting for. It was the day of what seemed to be the biggest wedding in
the 21st century. Both Raymond and Sandy were getting ready on
opposite towers of the Four Seasons, while everyone was flooding in dropping
off all of the presents and admiring the extravagant decorations. They got
everything they could possibly need from fine china and diamonds, to flower
arrangements and letters of congratulations. They both were too excited to focus on the presents. All they
could focus on was that happy moment when they would be named husband and wife.
Of course they knew they did not need all of these gifts but the public and
their family and friends insisted on them. These people have always been in the
spotlight and everyone had longed to see them together. This relationship had
been in the works for years and it was finally happening. It took countless
amounts of time preparing and getting everything perfect for their special day.
Both the bride and groom could feel the clock ticking down to the time when the
bride would make it down the aisle.
Finally the
clock struck five in the afternoon and the doors flung open to reveal the
blushing bride. The groom waited for her, tearing up, as she took the long walk
down the aisle. He waited at the bottom of the stairs to help escort her up to
the altar. They both stared at each other as the vows began, soaking in this
moment neither of them ever wanted to forget. The groom was told to cherish her
all the days they lived and he said I do. The bride was asked similar vows and
she promised to keep every single one. The priest gave his blessing and he
announced them man and wife.
It did not
take long for the music to fill the air and for the party to start. The bride
and groom said their hellos and gave their thanks but shortly after the music
started to be blasted the groom took his bride away for the evening so they
could celebrate their night on an intimate level. Even though the bride and
groom had left, the town kept the party going. The whole town partied for a
long time because they knew this was going to be the start of something great.
Author's Notes:
I tried to make it a modern-day wedding day where the groom and bride are both big figures in America. I tried to describe the feelings and the emotions throughout the story. Even towards the end I tried to show the love and the eagerness to start their life together by leaving early. The inspiration for this story was Rama and Sita's wedding. I think it was a dream wedding where everyone seemed to be rooting for this couple. They had the perfect day and what seemed to be a perfect relationship. I wanted to portray that in a modern day wedding. I think every girl can relate to wanting a big wedding and having that fairy-tale day. I think this will hopefully make an interesting and relatable piece that isn’t too hard for the readers to follow. I think taking a story like Rama and Sita's and making it relatable makes reading these stories more enjoyable and exciting. Overall I am happy with how this piece turned out and how it transformed from Rama and Sita's story, to a rough draft, and finally to this one I created. I think it is also a good story to expand on if I decide to do that in the future sometime. I hope everyone enjoys it and can relate to something throughout the piece.
Bibliography: Ramayana (Public Domain Edition), Romesh
Dutt, 1899
Hi Ace! I really like the modern twist that you told on this story! Weddings are just so much fun! It made the story very fun to read. I could definitely feel the anticipation that you were trying to write into the story that all the spectators and those involved with the wedding were feeling. As I was reading, I just wanted more details to really feel like I was there. I wonder who Sandy and Raymond were. You said that they were A-listers in your author's note, but are they actors, musicians, heirs to a company, CEOs of a company? Clearly people around the country, and maybe even the world, know who they are, but how do they? I also wonder what the venue looked like. What type of flowers did they have, what were their colors? Also, the most important question that could ever be asked on at a wedding...what did Sandy's dress look like? Some more details would make this story even better than it already is!
ReplyDeleteI think its really cool how you brought their wedding into modern times! You wrote this story really well and I only noticed a few gramatical mistakes:
ReplyDeleteParagraph one: comma needed
"...Four Seasons, while everyone was flooding in, dropping off all of the presents, and admiring the extravagant decorations."
word change and comma
"These two lovebirds have always been in the spotlight, and everyone had longed to see them together."
Paragraph two: comma needed
" Finally, the clock struck five in the afternoon, and the doors flung open to reveal the blushing bride."
I just love weddings so reading this made me feel like I was at a wedding myself! I think you captured not only the love and atmosphere that weddings display, but you also showed us how much the two loved each other. Because even though they had all these extravagances around them, they still only had eyes for each other. It showed how much they're meant for each other!
This story was well thought out and had great detail. I love that this was based on Rama and Sita's wedding. I didn't pay much attention the first time to the original story, but after reading this piece, I want to go back and read about their wedding. There were a few "comma splice" moments in the beginning of the story. Especially in the first paragraph. Shift Sabu's comment earlier got most of the things I wanted to mention so I won't type it out again. This is something I have difficultly with also don't worry you are not the only one. Other than that, I didn't find any other grammatical errors. The Author's note was pretty good. I would just add some more characteristics as to how the weddings were similar or different, that way it can be more recognizable or you can say you twisted the story. Keep up the good work, and I do hope you expand on the story.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely LOVE the idea of bringing this wedding into the 21st century. I love weddings and watch a lot of wedding shows on TLC, so this portfolio story immediately interested me!
ReplyDeleteI instantly noticed that you changed the names but kept the first letter. This is something I use to! I think it’s a great way to change the story, but make it easy to reflect upon the original and know who is supposed to be who.
You used fantastic detail when describing the wedding. It was so easy to visualize! I think that is the strongest aspect of this story. I think there is an opportunity for you to strengthen the last paragraph of the story. This paragraph loses some of the vivid detail that the paragraph before had. You could give a little more detail about the party. Maybe talk about people coming up and congratulating them and talking about what a great couple that are…that sort of thing!
That is my only suggestion. I loved the modernized version of this wedding story!