It was finally the day, the day that everyone, from
the royalty of far off countries to the homeless families in central park, had
been waiting for. It was the day of what seemed to be the biggest wedding in
the 21st century. Both Raymond and Sandy were getting ready on
opposite towers of the Four Seasons, while everyone was flooding in dropping
off all of the presents and admiring the extravagant decorations. They got
everything they could possibly need from fine china and diamonds, to flower
arrangements and letters. They both could not focus on the presents all they
could focus on was that happy moment when they will be named husband and wife.
Of course they knew they did not need all of these gifts but the public and
their family and friends insisted on them. These people have always been in the
spotlight and everyone had longed to see them together. This relationship had
been in the works for years and it was finally happening. It took countless
amounts of time preparing and getting everything perfect for their special day.
Both the bride and groom could feel the clock ticking down to the time when the
bride would make it down the isle.
Finally the
clock struck five in the afternoon and the doors flung open to reveal the
blushing bride. The groom waited for her, tearing up, as she took the long walk
down the isle. He waited at the bottom of the stairs to help escort her up to
the alter. They both stared at each other as the vows began, soaking in this
moment neither of them ever wanted to forget. The groom was told to cherish her
all the days they lived and he said I do. The bride was asked similar vows and
she promised to keep every single one. The priest gave its blessing and he
announced them man and wife.
It did not
take long for the music to fill the air and for the party to start. The bride
and groom said their hellos and gave their thanks but shortly after the music
started to be blasted the groom took his bride away for the evening so they
could celebrate their night on an intimate level. Even though the bride and
groom had left, the town kept the party going. The whole town partied for a
long time because they knew this was going to be the start of something great.
Authors Notes:
I tried to make it a modern day wedding day
where the groom and bride are both a big figures in America. I tried to describe
the feelings and the emotions throughout the story even towards the end I tried
to show the love and the eagerness to start their life together by leaving early.
I think this will hopefully make an interesting and relatable piece that isn’t too
hard for the readers to follow.
Bibliography: Ramayana (Public Domain Edition), Romesh
Dutt, 1899
Hi Ace! I read a different version of the Ramayana so reading your version of the wedding was interesting. I liked reading about how excited the town was for the wedding and about all the celebrations occurring for the Prince and Princess. A great tool I've been using is Microsoft Word, super simple to just do a quick copy and paste and it catches errors missed by the blog spell check. I also find reading through the story after writing I sometimes find errors that spell check tried to correct but I did not want it to!
ReplyDeleteHi Ace! It was interesting that you rewrote it as a Western-style wedding with the exchanging of vows rather than the typical exchanging of the garlands and various ritualistic aspects of a Hindu wedding. I also couldn't help but think as I was reading that the fanfare that preceded and followed the wedding of Ram and Sita seems comparable to the marriage between Will and Kate.
ReplyDeleteWhile I think that you did a good job explaining the modern setting, it also would have been really cool to see what was going on in their minds during the event. Are they thinking suitably modern thoughts?
I think that it was really interesting that you changed the wedding of rama and sita to a modern day wedding to give us a feel of how it would have happened had it occurred today. Isntead of ti only taking a couple of days like in the ramayan, you told us that it took months to prepare like it would in real life. I think though that you could have expanded on the details like the venue or the last minute glitches that alwasy happen.
ReplyDeleteYou did a great job showing us the scene and the importance of this wedding. I just recently watched the Sex in the City movie where Carry marries Big and the scene just before Carry was to walk down the isle was exactly like your first paragraph. They were huge important figures and everyone was dying to see them say, “I do.” You did a wonderful job of setting the scene.
ReplyDeleteAs far as editing goes, I would quickly just go through and read the piece aloud. There were some places that need commas or to be made into separate sentences. I was getting a little confused on how to read some of you sentences. But reading it aloud will make it an easy fix.
Also, in reading your authors note, you said he wanted to show their love and urgency in wanting to leave early. Rather than saying they wanted to leave early, maybe show it to your reader by saying something like, “Raymond and Sandy looked at each other with fire in their eyes. Sandy blushed and held his arm tighter while Raymond motioned for the door.”
Anyway, you did a great job with this story and setting the scene. I felt like I was attending the wedding myself! Great Job!
I really like how you decided to focus on one of the few happy moments in the Ramayana. It seemed like everything was always going wrong, so it was nice to see one of the wedding elaborated upon. I also think the idea to make it into a modern day wedding between two celebrities/famous/rich people was a cool idea. It definitely made it more relatable and put it into an interesting context.
ReplyDeleteI do agree with Mackenzie. There were a few sentences where it got a little confusing as to what exactly you were saying. It’s just a little grammatical thing. A lot of people write the way they talk and the writing doesn’t translate verbal cues that we use to move through thoughts. However, that quick read through will really help!
I can’t wait to come back to your Portfolio when you have another story attached! Have fun with the rest of the semester!
Hello Ace,
ReplyDeleteI thought your story was pretty entertaining. I have not read this version of the Ramayana or this particular story so I have no idea if this is an accurate retelling of the original story. I would have liked to have seen a long authors note that described the original story. The authors note does not contain any details from the original story that would give the reader something to compare your version to. I think this would a be a good thing to add as a revision to your authors note when it comes time for you to do that. I believe that a short summary would go a very long way in helping the reader to understand your viewpoint and retelling of this story. Overall this was a very well written story and I found it to be quite touching. You did a great job providing visuals for to help the reader picture the scene.